Investing time in yourself is one of the best things you can do for your own mental health, especially if you are a busy mom. If you have been able to carve out time for yourself in your daily activities, take advantage of that! Make those moments special … without going broke.

Objective: to relax

Spending money on going shopping, getting a massage or a facial is always pleasant, but many of us cannot afford this regularly. However, pampering yourself does not have to cost a mint.  

The objective of devoting time to yourself is to relax and forget your daily obligations and you can get those same results with simple but pleasant activities. No matter what activity you choose, try to focus on how relaxing it was or what a good time you had.  

Some ideas

These are some ideas to do something special for you. The important thing is to take the time to enjoy them:

• Take a walk in the park and relax with the sounds of nature. This is a simple but relaxing activity. If you have the opportunity to do so, sit next to a fountain or a stream, close your eyes and listen to the running water.

• Read a novel outdoors. Find a park bench or sit on a towel on the grass, on the beach, or any place where you may feel at ease. Read an adventure or romance novel that doesn’t require too much thinking, and just get lost in it.

• Go to the movies. Don’t stop yourself from watching that special film just because you have no-one to go with. Buy a bag of popcorn and a drink and enjoy the film. If you are home alone, rent a movie, get comfortable and open a bottle of wine to celebrate.  

• Meet up with a fun girl-friend to chat. Talk up a store with your friends. There is nothing better than laughing your troubles away with the people who love you.

• Get a pedicure. Pedicures are not too expensive (depending on where you live) and seeing your feet looking pretty is always a good thing. Pedicures with a foot massage are the best.

• Buy a pastry at the best pastry shop in town. Enjoy it with a cup of tea and make it the perfect laid-back snack.

• Sign up to a yoga class, learn to read the tarot cards, or anything else that you find unusual and fun. Besides learning something new, you will most likely meet interesting people.

Whatever you do, try to make the most of it and throw yourself into that activity. It will help you recharge and disconnect from your daily routine.

Many moms and dads have the feeling that the day races by, devoted to endless chores, without being able to carve out the least bit of time for them. In fact, a study done years ago showed that most working moms ended up stealing time from their sleep in order to spend alone time after the rest of the family was in bed.

Alone time

The need to spend time alone, without the pressure of external demands is as essential for our well-being as having a proper diet or exercising. Being alone with yourself, with your thoughts, or simple without having to respond or interact is a healthy thing to do.

When you had not yet formed a family, those “you” times were probably a part of your day and you didn’t even notice. But as work and family obligations pile up, those alone times are fewer and far between and therefore, more precious.  

Spending time doing an activity you enjoy is one of the best investments you can make, time-wise. It will help to improve your mood, your mental health and as a consequence, your physical well-being.  

Where to find time

The main problem in enjoying those times of much-deserved rest is where to find the time for then. For some people, those down times are a must in order to function and give priority to those periods. For others, however, especially for moms and dads who have to raise a family with young children, finding that time may be complicated.  

Taking time from your sleep, as our mothers did, is not a good idea, because you need a good night’s sleep in order to face the day’s obligations without caving in.  The key is to fit in at least half an hour to take a conscious break, which is important for your good health.

Your special moment may be your lunch break, when you may want to unwind with a cup of decaf or read a book. If you are an early riser, then you may enjoy breakfast alone before everyone else gets up. Make those moments something special, pamper yourself and enjoy your own company. A special blend of coffee, flowers, or simply sitting at a park bench listening to the birds sing can help you take a break from your responsibilities.  

If you want to take these moments further, then take some time daily to meditate, practice yoga or any other relaxing activity that helps you reconnect with yourself.

It is possible to save more money, watch less television or go to the cinema more often, but stretching out time is impossible. The day has 24 hours and that is something that cannot be changed. However, it is possible to better manage our time.

How do you spend your time?

You may have the feeling that when bedtime comes around, you still have a lot of things left to do, which have been accumulating throughout the day. You can’t find the time to do what builds up and the feeling of not having enough time is more and more anguishing.

A good way to start to manage and spend your time doing what you most like to do, is to make a list of how much time you devote to each task throughout the day. All you need is to make a few notes every day to know what you did when you got up, in the morning, at work, and especially, when you came home, which is your personal time.  

Even though it may seem tedious to take those notes a couple of days a week and during the weekend, you may be surprised to find how much time has been wasted on unnecessary tasks.

Establish priorities

You cannot do it all.  This is a fact you must accept, precisely due to the limited nature of time. That’s why the best you can do is choose exactly what you want to do. Write a list of your priorities, both daily and long-term.  

Spending time with your children each day may be important for you, but you cannot do it because of the combination of your work hours and housework. Or you may really want to dedicate more time to writing a book or learning to play poker.

Compare this list with the notes you took previously concerning how you spent your time. You may again be surprised due to the little time you are devoting to the things that are important to you in life.  

Make your decisions

In order to make room in your daily schedule for the things you want to do, you will have to give up others. Again, paper and pen can help you make your decisions logically and, most important, not regret having made them.

For example, how long do you spend reading the newspaper? Ironing your clothes? Answering e-mails? There are things you can probably do without, or modify. Perhaps reading the newspaper is not as important to you as you thought and you may be able to substitute it for a quick look at the news on the Internet when you get to the office.

But perhaps cooking for your family is very important, even though it may not be one of your passions. Consider how you could do this more efficiently: you could cook larger servings and then freeze them so you don’t have to cook every single day. You could order take-out some nights, share the task with other family members and so forth.  Although we cannot stretch out time, there is always a way to accommodate our tasks.

There is a saying: “where there is a will, there is a way”. If the lack of time is preventing you from reaching a personal goal, there is surely a way to accommodate your daily schedules to make room for what is really important.

The way in which we live nowadays invites stress into our lives. From the moment when the alarm-clock goes off, many families start to race against the clock, that doesn’t stop until they close their eyes at night. Eliminating stress from your life could be rather difficult, because it would probably imply changing your whole lifestyle, but there are some ways to keep it in check. The first step is to acknowledge it.  

What is stress?

Nowadays, being stressed is synonymous with feeling pressured, not being able to do it all and running from place to place. Stress is defined by the physical and emotional demands we experience as a consequence of the pressure of the external world on our lives.  

Stress has consequences we can clearly feel such as tension, irritability, headaches or anxiety. Taken to extremes, stress can have consequences for the heart and other internal organs.  

Humans, just as many other animals, use stress as a means for survival. When faced with a dangerous situation, your body reacts with stress in order to deal with the situation. This reaction includes the liberation of hormones that cause the heart to race, rapid breathing and a greater blood-flow to our limbs so we can run. The situations that cause stress in your daily life are not savage animals that you have to escape from, but your body reacts in the same way to the demands of an angry boss as to the vision of an attacking buffalo.  

The constant liberation of stress hormones can cause harm that ranges from stomach disorders to a weakened immune system and higher blood pressure, which increases the likelihood of a heart attack.  

Know your limits

Not everyone reacts to stress in the same way. Some people feel very anxious when in a traffic jam, others feel overwhelmed when their work piles up and some can feel at their wits end when the kids are running around the house rambunctiously after a long day at work.

In order to prevent stress, the best thing is to know how you react to it. Know which situations make your heart race or your adrenal glands go into overdrive. Then plan to act on this. If driving in traffic makes you start off your day in a bad mood, try to have a routine in place to avoid this. You may try leaving the house early and do a pleasant activity before work.  

Look at how stress is affecting your life and what activities are being hazardous to your health. Although there are other stressful chores you can’t avoid doing, at least eliminate or modify those that you just can’t live without. In the long run, you’ll be better off for it.  

Inevitable stress

There will occasionally be situations in which you can’t prevent stress. For example, if you cannot avoid the traffic jam, no matter at what time you leave your house. The best thing to do in these situations is to consciously counteract the information you are sending to your body in order for it to be on guard. Breathe deeply several times, listen to relaxing music on the radio and take your mind off of worrisome thoughts. This approach will tell your body all is fine, so that it will stop secreting stress-related hormones.  

If you are in fact in a situation in which you have no other option other to do what you are doing, it is an unnecessary waste of energy to consume yourself by thinking about how you don’t like to do that or how much better off you’d be doing something else. Relax, concentrate on the task at hand or try to think of something else, depending on the case, and you will be preserving your health.

If you had vivid dreams concerning your baby during your pregnancy, these dreams may be revisiting you now that you are a mom. The new emotions and responsibilities derived from having a baby may be showing up in your dreams or nightmares.

What dreams are

Dreams mostly take place in the R.E.M. stage or rapid eye movement stage of sleep.  In the tests carried out during this phase, brain activity is high. Although you also dream in other phases of your sleep, these dreams are less notorious and more difficult to remember.  

Scientists do not yet agree as to why we dream and there are also all kinds of theories about the purpose of dreaming. Some experts consider that it is the way that many species with complex brains consolidate the information obtained during the day. Others believe they are the reflection of an emotional state the person is undergoing.  

Because motherhood is one of the biggest changes in a woman’s life, it is no wonder that she has unsettling dreams both during pregnancy and after delivery.  

The meaning of dreams

Apart from the function of dreams, their meaning is directly related with the person who hast the dream. Why? Because each of the elements that appear in a dream have a personal relevancy for that person. For example, dreaming of a person dressed in black could mean something sad, traditional or elegant, depending on who has the dream.  

Having a child, apart from being a source of great happiness, can also bring on much anxiety and many hidden fears such as: will I be a good mom? Will I know how to care for my baby? What will happen to my personal freedom? What about my work? And many more questions.

Which is the recurring subject in your dreams? Do you lose your baby and can’t find it? Is it a very small baby that you have no idea how to care for? These dreams may be a reflection of your insecurity concerning your role as a mom. As yourself what kind of a mom you’d like to be and what your fear of not being the best mom is based on.  

Analyze the details of your dreams and the feelings they inspire. Is there water? Is it murky? Is it clear? This could indicate an emotional state. Is your family in it? Are there jewels or any legacy that you have to take care of? That could be a reflection of your responsibility as a mom and your fear of not being as good as other mothers in your family.

Talk about it

If your dreams are very vivid and do not let you rest, talk about it with your partner or any other family member. Describe your dreams; think about the details and what they may mean. Talk and think about the fears you may be hiding. Sometimes, when hidden dreams are thought about consciously, they can be seen in their real dimension and your fears may dissolve.

It is true that you have just started a new phase in your life and that you are facing winds of change, and are giving up certain things. Keep your expectations realistic and do not set goals for yourself as a mom or as a professional, that are unattainable and that will help you live with a greater sense of calm and happiness with yourself.  

Now that you have your baby in your arms, you may be asking yourself how you will be able to separate from her to go back to work or to go on a necessary trip. Many mothers experience this separation anxiety and there are some steps they can take to counteract it.  

Who will take care of your baby?

You may have decided you want to go back to work; either for professional reasons or out of financial need. Depending on the type of maternity leave you have, you may be able to spend more or less time with your baby, but after around 12 weeks, you will have to go back to work. The sooner you start to think of who is going to take care of your baby, the better you will feel afterwards. 

The ideal solution for many moms is to have a family member who, either for a long period of time or regularly because she lives near, to take care of the baby. The grandparents on either side usually take on this role.  Although this also has its challenges it is an option that will be a lot less anxiety-ridden when you have to leave the house.

Another option is to leave your baby in a daycare center that you are comfortable with. If you are able to shop around and choose the one that best suits your needs, you will also feel more at ease when you have to return to work.  

Lastly, you can hire a nanny to take care of your baby. Besides asking for references, you should hire her on a per-hour basis as soon as you can. This way you can see how she handles your baby and you have time to change nannies if need be. Your baby will also have time to get used to the nanny.

Make a decision and relax

Work hard to find the best option to take care of your baby, but once you’ve found it, try to relax. The first days of separation may be difficult for you, but if you are confident that your baby is in good hands, try to relax. Anxiety will not benefit you or your baby, who will most likely feel your tension when you part ways.

If you find it very difficult to spend so many hours away from your baby, consider hiring a babysitting or daycare service in which parents can check on their babies via the Internet. If your baby is at home, install a Webcam so that your nanny or granny can show you the baby once in a while throughout the day.  

A new lifestyle

If your separation anxiety doesn’t subside as the days go by, you may be able to consider another work scenario that enables you to spend more time with your baby, from working part-time, working at home or just come in to the office a few days during the week. Only you and your partner know what is best for you and your family and what factors to take into account.  

Speak with other new parents to find out how they dealt with this dilemma and with those whose kids are grown up. Ask them what they would have changed about their kids´ childcare when they were babies.

Do you feel like crying for no reason? Are you sad when you feel you should be the happiest woman in the planet after having a baby? These feelings are normal. They are feelings of melancholy or sadness that overwhelm the mom after having a baby. However, if this sadness continues or gets worse, you should check with your doctor immediately. Postpartum depression is very frequent and the good news is that most women respond well to treatment.

Baby-blues or post-partum depression?

Postpartum depression is an increasingly wide-spread disorder, sometimes due to its tragic consequences for the mothers or the babies of mothers who haven’t been diagnosed or treated. Post-partum depression is more than just the sadness or melancholy that many mothers feel after living birth. It is an illness, just like depression, over which you have no control (just as you can’t control your pancreas if you have diabetes) and that requires treatment.  

But, how can you know if you have post-partum depression? Following are a series of questions that will help you determine whether you may have this disorder.  Mark the response that describes how you have been feeling in the last seven days, and add up the points in parenthesis at the end of each response.

1. I have been able to laugh and see the lighter side of things … 
    a) As much as usual (0)
    b) Not as much as usual (1)
    c) Definitely not as much as usual (2)
    d) Not at all (3)

2. I look to the future with anticipation.
    a) As much as usual (0)
    b) Less than before (1)
    c) Definitely less than before (2)
    d) Hardly ever (3)

3. I blame myself unnecessarily when things go wrong. 
    a) Yes, most of the time (3)
    b) Yes, sometimes (2)
    c) Not very frequently (1)
    d) No, never (0)

4. I have felt anxious or worried for no apparent reason.
    a) Not at all (0)
    b) Hardly ever (1)
    c) Yes, sometimes (2)
    d) Yes, often (3)

5. I have felt fearful or panicky for no apparent reason. 
    a) Yes, a lot (3)
    b) Yes, sometimes (2)
    c) No, not a lot (1)
    d) Not at all (0)

6. I feel overwhelmed.
    a) Yes, most of the time I feel I cannot deal with most things (3)
    b) Yes, sometimes I feel I don’t deal with things as well as I used to (2)
    c) No, most times I manage quite well  (1)
    d) No, I can’t manage as well as I used to (0)

7. I have felt so sad that I’ve had trouble sleeping.
    a) Yes, most of the time (3)
    b) Yes, sometimes (2)
    c) No, not very frequently (1)
    d) Not at all (0)

8. I have felt sad or miserable
    a) Yes, most of the time  (3)
    b) Yes, frequently  (2)
    c) Not too often (1)
    d) Not at all (0)

9. I have felt so sad that I’ve cried.
    a) Yes, most of the time (3)
    b) Yes, quite frequently (2)
    c) Only occasionally (1)
    d) No, never (0)

10. It has crossed my mind to hurt myself.
    a) Yes, very frequently (3)
    b) Sometimes (2)
    c) Hardly ever (1)
    d) Never (0)

If you score 12 or more, you may be suffering from post-partum depression and you should contact your doctor as soon as possible.

Source: Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS).

Treatment

The first step to get treatment is to ask for help. Speak honestly with your husband, with your family or with your doctor about how you feel and ask for help. There are treatments available that will help you feel better in a short time.  

The most common treatment for post-partum depression is a combination of medication and therapy, just like with regular depression, and the response is usually quite fast and good. Many moms who have experienced post-partum depression have been able to enjoy their babies again, as well as motherhood.

Remember that postpartum depression is not something you can control and it’s not about “snapping out of it” or “smiling and being happy”, like some people may tell you. Post-partum depression is an illness that requires treatment, just like any other illness.