Who hasn’t lost their temper at some point? When you have kids, losing your patience is quite normal, and sometimes you have to exert a lot of self-control. 

Self-control

Kids, preteens and teens can try your patience and exasperate you to the limit. Picture yourself picking up your kids at school after a day of hard work. On the way home, the kids are screaming, unbuckling their seat-belts or hitting each other. When you get home all you want is a little peace and quiet. You need to recoup because you still have to cook dinner and prepare things for the following day, or finish off some work. The kids are still yelling and running around, despite your warnings and pleadings. They end up knocking over a lamp and spilling milk on the work project you have to turn in the following day.  

In such a situation, the inner “barometer” of any parent probably increases as the hours go by, until it maxes out. At his point, during an emotional overload that tends to cloud your better judgment, it is very important to be able to exert self-control.  

If, when you were a child, these situations were dealt with at home by yelling or hitting that may be your instinctive reaction when you lose your temper. It is also quite likely that you will regret it later on. It is easy to read about positive discipline, but applying it when you are more than angry may not be so easy.  

Know your limits.

Pinpointing your “boiling point” and taking action before you reach that point is the most effective way to avoid a meltdown that will affect both you and your kids. Recall the times when you did reach your limit, and ask yourself how you got there and what triggered the storm. 

For instance, if you are irked by the fact that your kids dash madly around the house, risking hurting themselves or the smaller siblings, or breaking something, then try to nip it in the bud. Observe your kids when you pick them up from school, and as soon as you sense they are getting in the reckless mode, stop whatever you are doing and help them calm down, even if that means taking longer to get your work done.

If you are especially tired when you pick up your kids and they seem riled up, take them to the park. While they run around there instead of in the house, you can take a break on a park bench.  Afterwards, when it seems like they’ve burned that excess energy, take them out for pizza. The time you invest in them will help them calm down and when you all get home you are more likely to be able to work or do chores without interruptions, and especially without acting out in a way that you will later come to regret.  

Count to ten

This is the classic advice for when you feel your personal volcano is about to erupt. Even though taking deep breaths and trying to relax if you feel you are about to explode is always recommended, it is not always effective. In these cases, try to do another activity until you recover your serenity, for example:

• Give yourself a time-out. Go to your room, take a walk, a relaxing shower or do anything else that will help you disengage from what is going on.  

• Write in advance a short note to yourself that will help you remember how you will feel if you do something you will later regret.  

• If there is no way for you to escape the situation, wear headphones and listen to music to isolate yourself from the noise that is making you upset.

• Call a friend, a relative or your spouse, if he isn’t home with you, to vent. Besides listening to you, that person may be able to give you a fresh perspective as to how to deal with the situation.

Do anything that you know will prevent you from reaching your limit. If even then you end up yelling or lashing out, use the experience to learn what to do the next time in order to prevent it from happening again.    

However, if when you lose your temper you lose control to the point of hitting your children or humiliating them, you must seek professional help, to stop this kind of behavior before it is too late.